On Saturday night I saw this man at First Ave, and can now officially proclaim him as the Smoothest Man in the World. Sorry me, you’ll have to be relegated to the two-spot on that list.
Before watching Mr. Smooth do his thing, I watched the Twolves’ try their best to live up to this song of the aforementioned Smoothie in a home game against the up and coming Orlando Magic. Here’s the thing about my beloved Wolves– they’re just not very good. They’ve got some talent, sure, but for the Wolves to play at any level of significant competitiveness, they’ll need to muster up a season of career-type years from at least a handful of their players–not dissimilar from the string of overachievers the Twins sewed together from their feisty little lineup.
Besides the usual [insert any superlative] performance from KG, by my tab not only have we yet to see anything amounting to over-achievement from any of our other starters, but our bench has also been predictably thin and ineffective. There was no local broadcast of the Wolves game on Saturday night, so I had to tune into the Orlando telecast (via League Pass, of course). A more apropos comment regarding our starting point guard has never been made (via the Orlando Magic’s commentators): “Mike James had a good statistical season last year.” The same sentiment can be said for many other players on our team, including our alleged Second Banana, Ricky Davis. Neither player has made any tangible, substantial impact to this team yet, and while the temptation to write it all off on early-season jitters and a roster that’s unfamiliar with each other can be strong, we heard Dwayne Casey make similar half-hearted excuses with the Wolves second-half swoon last season as well, claiming the lack of a training camp hurt the team’s ability to play cohesively.
Speaking of the man who has only one more year of true NBA experience than Craig Smith– while I defended Dwayne Casey for much of last season (I mean what was one to expect from a rookie coach with a thin, relatively talentless roster?) he’s certainly shown little this season to convince anyone that last year was an aberation. How long until more blurbs like this one from the New York Daily News pop up:
“Bad omen for Dwane Casey: One Minnesota veteran said the team needs “five balls” and that Casey won’t last the season.”
A couple things: how does something like this break in a New York paper before local ones? Any guesses on which member of our esteemed roster could’ve said this? I’ve got two guesses: Troy Hudson and Troy Hudson.
In other news, my search for a new pair of shoes enters its day somewhere-near-340. The last pair of shoes I bought, my beloved brown-and-orange Adidas, are about to celebrate their first birthday! Kudos to them. Somewhere out there, a little brother pair of shoes is just waiting to join the family. If anyone has any suggestions at all of shoes they think would look good on my feet, please send relevant information my way.
Sam Cassell is an Alien and I Love Him 
i CANNOT believe you “celebrate” the birthdays of your shoes. granted i am using the loosest possible defn of celebrate, even still, its like the funnies shit ive heard this week, not counting anything at all said on celebrity jeopardy from new york.
Bk– what’s up! Can I just say that I miss you a lot, and have even thought about calling you. Of course, “thought about” is the imperative words in that sentence, as I am so awful at actually keep in touch with people. Suffice it to say, it is fucking great to hear from you. I’ll get off my ass one of these days right soon and give a holla.
This team is nothing without White Wally. Nothing…
Dear Friends, Happy Fool’s Day!
Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. “I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you’ve been having an affair with that chippy secretary in your office.
Why would you do that to me?
Haven’t I always been the good wife? I’ve cooked for you, raised your children, and I’ve always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven’t I done to make you happy?”
Embarrassed, Morris confesses, “It’s true, Sadie, you’ve been the best wife a man could hope for.
You make me happy in all ways but one. You don’t moan when we have sex!”
“If I moaned when we had sex, you’d stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!”
So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb between the sheets.
As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, “Now, Morris, should I moan now?”
“No, not yet.”
Morris begins fondling Sadie. “What about now? Should I moan now?”
“No, I’ll tell you when.”
They begin to make love…
“Is it time for me to moan, Morris?”
“Wait, I’ll tell you when.”
Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax,
Morris yells, “Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!”
“OY! You wouldn’t believe what a day I had!”
Happy April Fool’s Day!